


For Whom The Bell Tolls

by MorganaNK



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 20:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: What if there had been a photo of Angel and Rebecca (Raven)?  What if there had been some from the premier too?  What if Buffy had seen them?  Veers off the BtVS/A:tS cannon at this point though.





	For Whom The Bell Tolls

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Joss Whedon and all interested parties.  
> Lyrics from 'For Whom The Bell Tolls' by the BeeGees  
> No copyright infringement intended
> 
> Lyrics = italics

_I stumble in the night  
Never really knew what it would've been like  
You're no longer there to break my fall_

It hit me tonight. Not suddenly, more a sense of realization and then gut wrenching despair. There is no going back for us, no happy ever after.

A few days ago Xander showed me a photo; in fact he took great delight in rubbing my nose in it. ‘Look what Dead-Boy’s up to, found himself a new Honey’. He was lucky I didn’t tear out his ribcage and wear it as a hat.

Even after all this time, after everything we said about forgetting, the harsh words, I clung to the hope that you would be there for me if ever I needed you. But now there is someone else in your life, in your heart, and it hurts me more than I can bear.

_Seen you in a magazine  
A picture at a party where you shouldn't have been  
Hanging on the arm of someone else  
I'm still in love with you_

Tonight. The final nail in the coffin. I arrived at Giles’ to find Spike and Xander giggling over a magazine. When they realized I was there they were uncharacteristically quiet, it was then I knew something was wrong.

I snatched the magazine out of their hands and looked at it. There, in glorious Technicolor, was a photo of you and that actress; again. My eyes filled with uncontrollable tears as I read about Raven and her new and mysterious beau. It seems you are the talk of Tinsel Town.

_Now I know but a little too late  
That I could not live without you_

There are so many if onlys. If only I hadn’t let you walk away from me after the thwarted ascension. If only I had not said what I did at Thanksgiving. If only I had told you how much you meant to me. If only I hadn’t sent you to hell. If only I hadn’t slept with you. If only if only if only, that’s all I am left with.

I have someone, but that is all he is, a someone. He’s not the someone, if you know what I mean. It’s like wanting steak, but having to settle for hamburger because the steak is out of your price range. He’s nice, in a boring, secure, bland sort of way, exactly the kind of guy you said you wanted me to find. But all I ever wanted was you.

_Now I know there'll be times like this  
When I couldn't reach out to no-one  
Am I never gonna find someone  
Who knows me like you do  
Are you leaving me a helpless child  
When it took so long to save me  
Fight the devil and the deep blue sea  
I'll follow you anywhere  
I promise I'll be there_

What do I do now Angel?


End file.
